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by  |  19-Nov-2019 03:03

It is good to regularly check in with a partner to see how they are travelling.

Try to keep each other up to date as to how the relationship is going for each of you, but without increasing pressure to have stuff resolved right now.

This then provides an opportunity to talk and confirm there is a shared vision that you can both work towards. I always thought that if he loved me enough he would stop doing those things – now I can see that it was his way of switching off and although I still don’t like it and want him to change, at least I can see it for what it is” A man’s, and possibly even your own, sense of shame around what happened, the effects, and fear of other people’s reactions or judgments.

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Remember to take time out if it gets too intense, and then to return to the topic and talk about the important stuff when you have had a breather.

If your partner was sexually abused, some of the ways he has learned to cope, or to keep the thoughts and memories of the abuse at a distance, may be “playing themselves out” in your relationship with him.

Some men try to manage feeling moody, withdrawn, uncertain and uncommunicative by taking himself off and keeping himself to himself.

He might do this with the idea that this will help stop things from getting worse, or that it might help keep his partner safe. Understand that in all relationships there are times for togetherness and there are times where a little space is welcome.

It is also good to remind yourself that, although you are impacted by his behaviour, it is not all about you.

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