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Then I prayed: "God, help me to be more like Joseph … The guys in my small group Bible study would often hint at their own struggles. There would be a moment of embarrassing silence, then the topic would change.

" As sincere as my prayer was, I continued to struggle. It was like we all knew we struggled, yet were afraid to get too vulnerable.

Sexually excited by what I'd seen, I'd go into the bathroom and masturbate. Even so, there were still other things that stimulated me sexually—and I didn't have to make any special effort to find them.

It could be a model in a commercial or magazine ad.

And if you're there for one of Betty's famous "Body Sex" workshops, it is. Betty would point out certain features and "style" each of our pussies for a photo. (" Dodson," as Carlin affectionately calls her, and as we began to refer to her too.) "A post-modern pussy," she continued. "You don't get enough of it when you're an adult." And then, without any ado, Carlin, whom Betty affectionately refers to as her "stunt cunt," demonstrated Betty's "rock and roll" method of masturbation while Betty directed and commentated.